


turning page

by candlelightnana



Series: vent fics [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Rant, Renjun is sad, and short, i guess my pain will stop similar, i highkey want the pain to stop, idk this is bad, inspired by turning page by sleeping at last, its kinda my current situation lol, its not a vent about my gf or crush tho thats a new one, love yall, not now tho dont worry, okay so this is a mess again, personal, renjuns pain did stop in listen before i go, stay safe, this is a whole new rant in the tags dhaj, tw, vent - Freeform, will i ever say renjun's name instead of just pronouns well never know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 20:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19363837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candlelightnana/pseuds/candlelightnana
Summary: it's late at night and renjun can't sleep





	turning page

**Author's Note:**

> tw self harm, death and suicide for this lil fic  
> no one cares anyways so i'm not gonna bother you any further

“i've waited a hundred years but i'd wait a million more for you”

it was almost 2 am but he couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried. it was the middle of summer and he was on fire.

he was laying in his bed, only wearing boxers, exposing all the marks over his body. the fresher red and older white strings on his skin, the purple bruises, the scratches.

“nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do”

the music was playing quietly on his phone.

suddenly there were tears in his eyes. he didn't want to think about it, about her but the song. the song that was her favourite song, that she'd sing to him.

she was gone now. he knew that. but he didn't want to accept it.

she was his happiness. being with her was all he ever wanted to do. but he couldn't. he'd never he able to be with her again.

“if i had only felt the warmth within your touch, how you smile when you blush, or how you girl your lips when you concentrate enough”

it was a cliche but only after losing her he realised how much he needed her. he never appreciated her for who she was. maybe that's why she left. he should've done more.

the tears were falling now.

“i guess,” he cleared his throat, he hadn't talked in a while, “you were the love of my life.”

“well i would've known what i was living for”

he chuckled, still crying. “talking to myself, god, i wish i could talk to you again.”

he just wanted her to come back. be there for him again.

hold his hand when he was scared, kiss his lips when he needed it most, play with his hair, pinch his cheeks.

“your love is my turning page, where only the sweetest words remain”

“i don't know who i am without you. i can't be without you. please why'd you have to leave.” he let out a sob, curling up in his bed, hugging his own legs. “i need you.”

she needed him, he realised, but he let her down. that's why she's gone now. why he's alone in this cruel world.

he never even got to tell her how much he loved her.

he'd fallen for her, a long time ago.


End file.
